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Love is all around! Recently, the topic of love has featured in many of my conversations: with clients in my 1:1 coaching, with peers in our group mastermind sessions, with my husband and children and with my friends over dinners. What I've observed is that love means something very personal and is unique for each of us in how it's communicated, expressed and experienced.
According to Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages*, we demonstrate a preference for one of the five universal Love Languages over the others. This could be Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time or Physical Touch. For me, it's Acts of Service, very closely followed by Words of Affirmation whereas my husband’s is Quality Time.
Do you know your preferred love language? Here’s a link to find out. Understanding your own preference and those close to you will strengthen your relationships through the deeper emotional connections you form with them. These benefits can extend to friends, family and work colleagues.
Today, on Valentine's Day, the celebration of love will become even more meaningful when/if your preferred love language is recognised and met. Whether through a thoughtful gift, a shared moment or affectionate words, honouring your preference will ensure that love is expressed in a way that truly resonates, deepening the bond and sense of purpose in your relationship. But what happens if your love language is not recognised or met? There's a breakdown or mismatch in communication as you won't feel heard or understood.
Recognising the importance of language early in life was clearly what led me to study degree level Linguistics: the scientific study of language; how it is structured, used and acquired. I covered many diverse topics including English Language Learning and Teaching, Sociolinguistics, Dialectology, Child Language Acquisition, Second Language Learning, Phonetics, Morphology, Speech Therapy, Semantics, Syntax, Phonology and Physiology. However, not once did we cover Love Languages.
My curiosity for language has taken me on a journey into the why, what and how people communicate. Fascinated then as a student, it continues to intrigue me today aged 50! When writing my book, Focus on Why*, I ensured that the differing ways we communicate through our love languages were covered, referencing love 41 times. Here are just a couple of excerpts I feel appropriate to share with you today on Valentine’s Day.
This excerpt favours the love language, Words of Affirmation:
In FOW 122, ‘Be Kind to Yourself ’, Kim-Adele Platts (now Randall), who specialises in helping board-level executives lead with impact and humanity, said, ‘Unless you learn to be kind to yourself, at some point you’ll run out of steam. If you don’t learn the lesson, life will repeat itself until you do.’ Learn to love and empower yourself to become everything you’ve ever aspired to be. Pay close attention to the lessons life offers and remember you get to choose and assign the meaning of each moment.
At the root of many challenges is low self-worth. Positive self-talk serves as a powerful tool to becoming more confident, driven, focused, productive, motivated and more purposeful in your actions. When you learn to be kind and love yourself and believe you are good enough even when you fail, you cut through the noise to master the true power of your thinking. It’s not the events in your life that define you but how you choose to live your life afterwards. Do you allow disruptions to throw you off course or do you learn from them and adapt? P.28, Focus on Why
What love language might this second excerpt represent?
A key lesson in crafting a purposeful life is establishing a profound connection with yourself, then to recognise the connectedness you have with others. Prioritising self-care is essential, as it’s your responsibility to tend to your own wellbeing before extending help to others. By practising self-care and self-love, you take a step closer to living a more fulfilled life with more capacity, inclination and energy to extend love to others.
P.57, Focus on Why
Whatever you do, communicate with love. Focus on Love Languages. Focus on Why. How deep is your love?
ACTION POINT: How might your relationships benefit from knowing how to communicate with love by using people’s preferred love languages?
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